It has really been a great year, though.  Adding to our family has been a wonderful blessing.  And Benjamin’s personality just lights up the room.  He is, indeed, always on the move.  He started crawling at 7 months, took his first steps at 10 months, and has been full fledged walking for the past 3+ weeks!  He can scale the stairs in seconds.  He loves eating potting soil.  He will not stay sitting in his high chair for the length of an entire meal.  He throws things in the toilet any chance he gets.  He also pulls things out of the trash!  If he is doing something he shouldn’t be, and you go after him, he smiles or laughs and goes that much faster.  But I can’t help but smile.  Because it’s who he is.

He is also a very happy baby…always smiling.  That is, unless, he is hungry, tired, has sand touching him, or he feels he has been wronged!  His laughter is contagious, and I can’t get enough of his big hugs and open mouth kisses!  My heart just melts every time he says, “Mama.”  He loves to dance if the music appeals to him, and when he claps, he hits the back of one hand with the palm of the other…unconventional, but it works!  He loves books, plants, and animals, goldfish crackers and water…to play in and to drink.  He is very independent and is already taking up for himself.  Trust me, he has to, and can, hold his own!

We aren’t having his party until Saturday, but we did a couple special things today.  I sang “Happy Birthday” to him every chance I got.  He loved it!  I made him his first scrambled egg for breakfast.  He didn’t like it so much, so I made him a piece of French toast, which he loved.  He got to skip his morning nap and play with (and eat) sidewalk chalk for the first time.  I enjoyed just watching him toddle around with a big piece of chalk in each hand, somehow knowing he should stay in the shaded area of the sidewalk.  After nap, he and I ran some errands in Lexington.  The highlight of his trip:  a mylar balloon that says, of course, “Happy 1st Birthday.”  He giggled the entire time we were in the store, and threw a fit when I took it to put it in the car…in the backseat where he would be riding!  When we got home, we had dinner and went outside to play.  He wore himself out, so we didn’t make it to Bruster’s for a birthday ice cream cone before he crashed.  Maybe we can do that tomorrow.  I think one of the best things about today is that he got to get dirty…chalk followed by dirt from where Jeff was landscaping.  The weather was perfect for him to just enjoy being a boy!

I still can’t believe he is already one year old, but from what I remember about Nicholas being this age, it is a LOT of fun, so I am just going to enjoy it because it won’t be long before he’s going to Kindergarten and then to college!

So, me being right-brained means I have difficulty with, you guessed it, clutter, time management, and reaching my goals.  If you know me a little, you might think I have met many goals.  I graduated college with honors (worked hard for that after nearly blowing it my freshman year), returned to grad school to obtain my teaching certificate, and after completing my KTIP, I became fully certified…just in time to reach my goal of becoming a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM).

I have met some big goals.  It’s the smaller ones I have trouble with…the ones that require managing time and de-cluttering my house.   Oh, how I would love for everything in my house to have its place…then I could (and would) just put it there.  But I want it all organized and done right now, which is why I procrastinate.  I want it done, now, and perfectly, but because I can’t figure out where to start, I just don’t do it.  And everything I have read (or glanced at) tells me it is a slow process.  It takes time (don’t “they” know I have time management  issues?!).  It will take baby steps.  I am learning what those steps are.

This is something I have always struggled with, so this whole “right-brained” explanation really doesn’t surprise me.  But what about when you do get surprised and have to take baby steps?  When what you are facing is more than piles of organized chaos?

My mom (Hi, Mom!) called me last Friday to tell me my step-dad’s (Hi, to you, too, of course!) general practitioner was pretty sure that what he had examined was colon cancer.  They saw a specialist on Monday, who sent him for further testing today.  He had a colonoscopy, and they were given an official diagnosis of cancer.  As I spoke with my mom today, they were preparing to perform a CAT scan to determine if the cancer had spread.

So, what next?  More baby steps.  They we wait.  Wait for all the results to come back.  Wait nearly a week for the next doctor’s appointment.  Wait to find out what stage it is in.  And wait to learn what his options are.  Wait for surgery.  Wait for chemo?  Radiation?  Wait to find out what the next step will be.  And I assume he will take baby steps, however aggressive those steps may be, to fight this thing.  God, I pray they caught it early.

On a much lighter and more joyful note, there are other types of baby steps.  The bittersweet ones.  The literal ones.

Benjamin took his first steps almost two weeks ago…the day after his baby dedication and Mother’s Day!  Jeff & I put him between us, and encouraged him.  He made it up to five whole steps that day!  We were excited for him!  He hasn’t looked back either.  He is now letting go on his own and taking off across the room!  It won’t be long until he is graduating from college, huh?

The week before Mother’s Day, my darling husband called me from work with an idea.  This is no oddity around here.  He’ll call with an idea or question or favor.  The call will be brief and to the point, then we both go on about our days…until the next call!

This idea was about my Mother’s Day gift.  He didn’t know if I would like it, and he said that if I didn’t, that would be fine, but he was thinking a tree would make a good gift.  The only downside, he pointed out, is that when we move (some day), the tree won’t be able to come with us.  I surprised myself when I told him that I loved the idea (that wasn’t the surprising part!), and that it would be okay that the tree couldn’t come with us because I would at least get to enjoy it as long as we are at this house, and I will get to watch it grow as I watch our boys grow.

I finally made it to the nursery to look at trees on Saturday (after Daddy and Big Brother made a trip to Lowe’s for a “special project”).  I stopped by on my way to a baby shower while the boys stayed home with Jeff…a first for us for any length of time!  I was sure I wanted a flowering tree, and we would need one that would do well in full sun.  The young man helping me really knew his stuff, but I couldn’t decide because I wasn’t sure where I would want it.  And if you know me, you know I am a visual person…I needed to be able to visualize the tree in its spot before I could make a decision.

So I headed on to the shower and had a good time.  I wasn’t sure what to do with myself without any children to attend to!  I went on home afterwards with the intent of heading back to the nursery after checking in.  When I arrived home, I was instructed to close my eyes.  When I opened them, I saw this (without the paint on the prints…it was added later):

And I got choked up when I saw it.  Who wouldn’t?!  I love it!!!  And I had NO idea what they were making!  I was truly surprised!

I then returned to the nursery with Big Brother to check out trees again.  I secretly hoped he would have some input, but he did not.  He just enjoyed being outside, eating his crackers, and I left again without making a decision.

After discussing it with Jeff, driving in front of the house, standing on the sidewalk in front of the house, and standing in various spots in the back yard, I went back to the nursery for a third time and decided to look at shade trees.  After seeing a few, I decided on an October Glory Red Maple, as we had a maple at our previous home next to our deck, and we loved it!

Here is my new shade tree, which we used today!

The leaves will turn, of course, red in the fall.  Red is a fave color around here, you know?!

I love my Mother’s Day gifts!  And I love my boys!  All three of them!

Another week has gone by & we have all done things we wouldn’t usually share with everyone, but it’s fun to read that no one is at all perfect!  Thanks to MckMama for starting this fun way to start a Monday!

While eating dinner one night last week, Benjamin was munching on some yummy Gerber Graduates apple chunks.  Nicholas thought they looked good & wanted to try them.  He liked them so much that when they were gone, he decided the pick the pieces up off the floor that his little brother had intentionally thrown there…and eat them.  I did not laugh and turn my head the other way.  Not me…I would never allow my children to eat off the floor!

Since B had his surgery, he has a new skill I like to call…”peeing on Mama.”  As it goes in “mommy world,” he peed on me during his diaper change just before my MOPs meeting.  It was just a little on the sleeve of my denim jacket I had been planning on wearing since the day before.  I did not roll it up and wear it anyway.  Not me!  That would be gross!

I did not find B elbow deep in the toilet fishing out two toys he’d just put in there.  How did he get in the bathroom?  I’m not sure because I most certainly did not fail to make sure the lid was down and the door was shut!  Nope, not me…I would never leave either open.

And I did not totally overlook blogging about my wonderful Mother’s Day gifts.  I did not totally love them!  (Mother’s Day post coming soon!)  And I most certainly did not get choked up over one of them!

What have you not been doing?!

And it isn’t like I don’t have plenty to do right in front of me.  I mean, you should see this living room right now.  The boys are napping (yay!), but their toys are here just as they left them.  I probably should be cleaning or paying bills or making some important phone calls.  I could be folding laundry or maybe even napping.  Instead, I am typing.  Something else I add to my to-do list, and, in all honesty, this isn’t something I can do with the boys awake, and I enjoy it.  That other stuff, well, except for the nap, I can do with them beside me…

So, yes, I have plenty to do.  Yet, I’m always thinking, “what can I do?  What would make me happy?  What would make Him happy?”

I like to plan.  I’ve realized that about myself.  However, I am not so much a “doer.”  I enjoy making lists and figuring things out.  In fact, I’m reminded of a time in high school when I made a list.  I wrote down all the years for the next 10 or 15.  I included how old I would be each year and what I wanted to have accomplished at those ages.  These accomplishments  included graduating high school and college, starting and finishing med school (this was back when I wanted to be a doctor…before I took biology & zoology in college), and getting married and having babies.  I can no longer recall the exact details, but I do remember daydreaming about it.  I like daydreaming, and I view daydreaming as a type of planning.  See?  I like to plan.

Funny thing is, God had other plans.  I just didn’t know it.  And I didn’t know it because I wasn’t listening.  I don’t think I knew how, really.  I finally started listening about a year after I’d graduated from college (which I did do according to my plan).  I had applied to a graduate program for school psychology.  I was selected for the interview process and later found out I was not accepted.  (I also soon realized school psych wasn’t really what I’d wanted to do anyway.)  But…it opened my eyes…and my heart.

It was at that point in my life that I hit my knees, figuratively speaking.   When I learned of my rejection, I cried…like a baby, I cried.  I remember like it was yesterday.  I was on my way home from work, listening to K-Love on the radio.  I’d called Jeff & asked him to check my email for me.  He read my rejection email to me over the phone (I don’t think he wanted to, but I made him).  I found myself literally crying out to God after I’d hung up, asking Him, “What do you want me to do?”

I am not certain what I was expecting at that point.  I was quite certain, though, that I was not meant to work in a daycare for the rest of my life making less than $10/hour.  Yet, I had no idea what to do.  So, I started begging God to tell me.  And not just “tell me what to do,” but to tell me what His will for me was.  Because I knew if I could figure that out, and DO it, I’d be happy…because I’d be doing His will and glorifying Him.

But how would I know?  How would I know what His will was?  Would I hear a booming voice?  Would He send me a message?  And if He did, would I realize it was God?  How on earth was I suppose to know what God’s will was?  I had never experienced God speaking to me.  I had heard many people talk about it, but I could not relate.  I really just wanted Him to tell me what I was put on this earth to do.

So, I started searching.  I had a devotional book, and at present, I cannot recall the name of it, but it had an index.  You’d better believe I was looking up, “God’s will” and “hearing God speak”..and reading anything and everything I could on the matter.  I also turned to my Bible.  I read things I just happened to open it up to.  I read verses that were mentioned in the devotional book I was referring to.  I completely immersed myself in God’s word.  And I feel I did ultimately discover His will for me at that point in my life.

I am now finding myself searching again.  I’m searching in my dreams.  I’m searching in my head.  I’m making lists (did I mention I also like to make “pros & cons” lists?) and Googling jobs just to see what is out there.  What else can I do that would give me that fulfilling feeling?  I love being home with my boys, but I get this feeling I should be doing something more.  So, I search…Maybe I could work part time.  Maybe I need some “me” time.  Maybe I need some girl time or a date night.  I need something, and as much as I think and make lists, I cannot figure out what it is.

At some point, in recent weeks, it finally struck me.  I know what I need!  I need God!  I need that peaceful feeling I felt when I had discovered His will several years ago.  I felt closer to Him then than I have ever felt.  I need to feel that what I am doing is God’s will for me.  I have now lost that feeling to a degree.  And I want it back!  I want to walk the path that was paved for me on this earth, and I want to glorify God’s name while doing it.

So, that is what I am going to DO.  I am going to read my Bible, and I am going to pray.  I am going to get off my spiritual couch and go for a spiritual walk…just me and God.  My prayer is, that by doing so, I just might touch someone else’s life along the way.  That is, afterall, one of my jobs, right?

Psalm 16:7, “I will praise the Lord who counsels me, even at night my heart instructs me.”

…While Benjamin was taking his morning nap yesterday, I decided we’d go to the park for lunch.  Nicholas insisted on making his own sandwich, so I let him.  He only asked for help with his condiments (miracle whip & mustard, in case you were wondering).  He did not want his sandwich cut…he wanted a “big square,” so we left his intact, cut mine, wrapped them both in paper towels & crammed them into a sandwich bag.  Add some chips & a juice box (well, pouch in our case), and, voila…a perfect picnic lunch for a three year old.  For the record, I would have added fruit for good measure had he not just inhaled an entire pear.  I thought that was enough fiber for one morning.

After packing some things for B, changing his diaper, and making sure Nicholas & I had both used the restroom (park potties…yuck!), we were off…only to discover as we pulled out of the driveway that I would need to get gas on the way there.  No problem, there is a gas station on the way.  So, I turned in…only to discover I had left my debit card on the kitchen table and our checks have still not come in the mail.  Good thing we are now using cash for groceries & entertainment.  While gas does not fall under either of those categories, I did have to borrow $5 from that fund…enough to get us to the park, back home, and back to the gas station.  And we would have filled the tank a little more had I not accidentally pushed the ‘premium’ button instead of ‘unleaded.’  Oh well!

We had a good time anyway, and if you place your cursor over the pictures, some may have some hidden captions!

The End!

Did I mention that Nicholas picked out his outfit himself?!

This year, I guess we didn’t feel there was enough going on the second weekend in May, so we threw in Baby Dedication at The Gathering Christian Church.  There were four babies, ages almost 6 weeks to 11 months, being dedicated.  Three of those being the pastor’s grandchildren…ours included!

Jeff & I participated in our first baby dedication for Nicholas at Harmony Christian Church on Jeff’s birthday in 2006.  There were a few more babies involved in that one, but it didn’t take away from the importance of it for us.  And I can’t speak for Jeff, but I think having done it once before, made us more excited to do it for a second time.  (Shhh…I never told anyone, but I actually considered sneaking back over to Harmony last fall to participate in their baby dedication because I didn’t know if I could wait until May.  As it turned out, May got here much more quickly than I expected it to!  And having friends, family, and our new church congregation surrounding us and supporting us was much more special than it would have been at a church we no longer attend.)

Why was I so anxious for Benjamin’s baby dedication?  As parents, and especially as Christians, it is my and Jeff’s duty to share our faith with our children.  It is also a privilege to glorify God in this way.  We want to teach our children the Bible stories we learned as children.  We want our children to know they can always turn to God…that He is always here for them.  We also pray that our children will some day accept Jesus as their Lord & Savior, and at that point, they will be baptized.  This is why we dedicate them as babies and do not baptize them.  That will be a choice they make for themselves when they are older.  But for them to do that, they need examples to follow.  Our family, including our church family, made a promise on Sunday to provide that example for Benjamin.  And while Nicholas’s dedication was over two year ago, I felt we all made that promise for him as well.

After a discussion on Saturday with Nicholas about what was so special about Sunday, Nicholas said as we stood before the congregation on Sunday morning that he did, indeed, want to help Benjamin learn about God.  That made my heart smile.  I believe Jeff & I both got choked up the first time Nicholas came home from preschool and sang the prayer he had learned in class…head bowed, eyes closed, hands clasped.  It was priceless.  And while he may not fully know what it means, he recently told Jeff that God lives in your heart.  I look forward to such moments with Benjamin, and it brings me great joy to know we have so many people who also feel strongly about raising our children to follow God’s word and God’s will, whatever it may be.

To signify that, we chose a Bible verse to read on Sunday that serves as a reminder of God’s good and perfect will.  This is a verse that has always brought me great peace.  It is also the verse that my father-in-law added to the end of our wedding slide show.  He did not know it was my favorite (so, yes, the tears were flowing before the wedding even began when I saw it for the first time!).  When asked to choose a Bible verse to read during the dedication, we felt this one would be perfect:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.  As for me…

I did not get a phone call last Monday afternoon from my doctor’s office saying they were just calling to check on me…since I missed my appointment.  I did not think my appointment was for Wednesday instead.  Nah, not me.

I did not keep forgetting to take a new trash bag upstairs for the diaper pail.  I did not put diapers in it anyway…trash bag free.  Oh, no!  Not me!

I did not pile up several loads of laundry on the basement couch with intentions of folding them while watching TV.  I would never!

I did not get so engrossed in what I was watching that I forgot to fold anything!  Nope!  Not me!

Speaking of laundry, I did not put on a pair of jeans for the second day in a row, knowing I had spilled children’s Tylenol on them the day before.  No way!  Not me!

I did not completely mix up my days at the end of the week, and I did not realize on Friday morning that I’d forgotten to call my dad on Thursday…to wish him a happy birthday.  I did not feel like a horrible daughter, and I did not call him immediately to (try to) explain my date confusion.  (For the record, I do not still feel horrible).  Huh-uh!  Not me!  I would never!

I did not leave the boys at home with Jeff on Saturday while I was attending a baby shower only to find myself unsure of what to do with  myself with no children in tow.  No, not me!

I did not totally give up on the boys taking a nap at their grandparents’ house yesterday, knowing they would both be exhausted because we would be there late.  I also did not hand B off to Jeff and tell him I was done because I was already so exhausted.  Nope, not me!  I would never take Mother’s Day off!

That’s just some of what I have not been doing this week!  How about you?

While we have met more doctors in the past year and a half than I would like, everything has turned out well.  A few things to keep an eye on, but nothing major.  Nothing, thus far, that has required hospital stays…short or extended.  I thank God for this.

And while I have merely stumbled upon the aforementioned blogs of complete strangers, I can’t help but return…to check on their children, to check on the them, and to be encouraged and inspired by their faith.

It started a few short months ago when a couple of my friends mentioned “praying for Stellan” in their facebook status updates.  One of them posted a link, and being the curious human I am, I clicked on it.  Upon doing so, I realized I had read a post from this blog before (click here for a rerun version of that post-I can’t seem to find the original).  I had been inspired by what “MckMama” had to say.  When I realized it was the same blog, and I was caught up to speed on her baby, Stellan’s, condition, I found myself not only returning daily for an update, but also praying daily for this sweet little boy.

MckMama’s blog led me to other blogs, which, in turn led me to others.  I had to stop myself from reading too many because there are plenty.  However, I do have three other babies I check on (and pray for) daily:  April Rose, Kayleigh, and Noah.

Checking on the four of them is a constant reminder (as I find myself thinking about them all throughout the day) to thank God for my healthy children.  I also thank God that I do not know the pain these parents are going through, but I am thankful for their faith.  Despite their pain and suffering, they stand firm in their faith.  That is inspiring.  And I am thankful.

I am thankful for the reminder to hug my boys a little tighter and a little more often; to smell their hair and to hold their soft hands; to talk more sweetly and to laugh more often; and to always kiss them good night and tell them how much I love them.

I am also thankful for the reminder to seek and accept God’s good and perfect will for myself and my family.

That will make everything okay perfect.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

Benjamin decided to surprise us a bit with his entry into this world.  I went into labor one week before my due date.  I was at home with Nicholas, who had helped me clean out and organize under my sink that morning (nesting much?).  While Nicholas finished up lunch, I unloaded the dishwasher while experiencing some interesting, but surely “practice” contractions.  Moments later I was calling Jeff who was in a closing to tell him that I wasn’t sure, but I thought it could be the day.  Boy, was it ever because a short (and painful) 4 hours later, Benjamin made his entrance into the world!  The doctor, who we were assured lived right down the road and would be there soon, did not even make it in time!

Here he is at 8lbs. 3 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long!

Nicholas was a natural at the whole “big brother” thing.  See?:

And Benjamin’s entrance into this world was a definite reflection on his personality.  Once we got into the groove of things (being a mom of two is harder than being a mom of one….why didn’t anyone tell me?  What?  You told me?  Oh, sorry.  I’d better listen better next time, huh?)  Anyway, once we got into the groove of things, he started sleeping fairly well at night, in his rocking chair next to my bed.  He’d wake once to eat.  It was great.  I thought God had answered my “sleeping baby” prayers.

But then we hit that “magical” 4 month mark.  Any mother knows it.  Baby hits four months old, starts learning that he can move and groove, and *BAM* no more sleeping!  Well, that’s how it happened with B, only it was around 3 1/2 months, and he hasn’t looked back or slowed down!  Yes, that’s right, this entry should probably be under the category, “Through Mom’s Tired Eyes.”

Speaking of moving and grooving, Benjamin has met all his milestones, thus far, on time, if not early (which could be why I am so worn out).  And by early, I really mean, earlier than Nicholas did.  Nicholas was such a laid back baby, and as I mentioned above, Benjamin is, well, ready to go.  He was born ready, as my sister might say.

He rolled tummy to back on his 3 month birthday. 

And had his first picnic at the park soonafter.

It wasn’t long before he started grabbing things at almost 4 months old (yep, right around the time he stopped sleeping!!!). 

By almost 5 months, he was sitting (and playing) with assistance

First Christmas…getting a good shot of both of them looking at the camera is hard work, and sometimes just impossible…So, we take what we can get.

I decided long ago that I would wait to start solids until 6 months of age, so guess how we “celebrated” Benjamin’s half birthday!  Gotta love rice cereal in the rocker! 

He has since moved to the high chair for all meals and learned to sit up unassisted.

He then went from crawling to pulling up to standing unassisted in no time!

That last pic of him was actually taken just before bed on his “10 month birthday.”  It’s not the best, but it was the best I could do with a moving target…when he wants to go, he takes off crawling with gusto!  And we love that about him.  We love his on-the-go personality, the way he grunts when he gets excited (Have you heard him say “uh-oh” yet?  You’ve also got to hear him say “brother.”  It’s not a grunt.  It’s just really cute!), his huge smile that he shares with everyone, and the facts that he is not a sleeper and he eats everything. Okay, so we don’t love not sleeping, and it does wear me out to continually be pulling him out of the houseplants & washing the potting soil from his mouth and hands, but we still love him to pieces despite all that.  And I’m pretty sure his big brother loves him too.